Eons ago, humans and the esper race co-existed peacefully on the planet Gaia. Humans were naturally frail, puny and inferior creatures compared to the esper race but made up for it with their intelligence, ability of choice and technology. Espers, on the other hand, were beings that surpassed human in every attributes. Unlike humans, they were magical creatures that were immortal, can wield magic, had abilities of their own, ranging from elements of nature to hazardous blasts of energy that obliterate nearly all foes and vast knowledge of the world that both races had lived in.
Dispatched by Goddess Minerva, they were sent to monitor mankind, to keep humanity in check so that they would not be tempted by the corrupted impulses that dwelled within them. Greed, malice, deceit and many negative tendencies were notable examples. These majestic beasts also had another job “implanted” on them. That job was to keep humans away from the abstract known as “The Sinner” who wanted to influence the humans into awakening their impulses so that chaos was ensured. As a result with the efforts of the espers, humanity remained pure, never falling into their sins.
The question is: Could the espers achieve the same level of purity as the humanity they helped to attained? The answer was negative. It just happened that “The Sinner,” infuriated by not being to influence humanity, targeted the protectors themselves instead. The espers vainly tried to fight off this abomination but their powers were dwarfed by the abstract. Eventually, the entity succeeded in overwhelming the ones who were engaging it, while most of them fled the scene upon the request of their brethrens who sacrificed themselves to forestall it
in order give them time to escape and hide from it.
As the entity succeeded in overwhelming the espers, instead of influencing them into turning against their kind, he overtook their systems, rooting its “stain” into their souls, changing them into soulless killing machines that obeyed it’s every command. As a result of the “stain” that was implanted, the emotions and the will of the espers to fight back were directly nullified. Unfortunate espers that had fallen victim to the “stain” were the most important ones, like Tiamat, Diablos and Cerberus. Others were either killed or disposed of as trash due to them being too weak to contain it or because of them trying to warn the espers in hiding of this event.
Having the important espers in its disposal, “The Sinner” ordered them to slaughter every human and esper who opposed him, starting with its greatest nemesis, the espers. With the edict carried out, the espers’ fortification of their stronghold barely withstood the might of their former comrades, due to the enhancements bestowed upon them by their nihilistic master and their reluctance to fight against their possessed brethrens. When the temporary refuge had fallen, they sought out humanity’s assistance to purge their comrades’ souls and drove back this menace from whence it came.
Mankind heard their pleas and were angered that this menace was threatening their protectors and caretakers. Indebted and thankful for the creatures’ protection against their sinful virtues in the past; they obliged the espers by helping them accomplish their tribulations, similar to how the espers helped them conquer their negative emotions. But first, the espers wanted to free their brethrens from evil’s influence. Man and beast learned that the only possibility was through exercising the power of a relic known as the “Sacred Gem”, which can only be found underneath the sacred grounds, where it was buried. Luckily, the human’s residence was located there and evil would not be able to guarantee both groups’ defeat due to the land’s holy nature that repelled evil. The fact that the artefact was underneath mankind’s residence, made it easier and faster for espers to deliver their brethrens from “The Sinner”. Normally, it would take a long time to reach the relic, but with the might of both humankind and beast kin; all it took was just half a day.
After getting the “Sacred Gem”, they resurfaced and engaged the might of the abstract together. They converted the corrupted espers by using the gem, the moment the battle commenced. “The Sinner” had never felt so disgraced. Not only was his plan for promulgating chaos thwarted, but the fact that he lost his tools for destruction was the last straw. Darkness burst from his being, directed towards the group, in a desperate aim to crush them, hoping to kill two birds with one stone. However, the times of working together created strong bonds between espers and humans allowing them to persist against his onslaught. With renewed vigour, they overcame his pitiful attack, and drove him away from this world forever, never allowing this sadistic anomaly to influence their lives ever again. In the end, humans and espers lived happily ever after.
I loved the story. Much better than the previous one you wrote. I do like the reference to "SIN" in FFX but using the name "The Sinner" instead. It's always cool having a god-like bad guy in your story. The Espers and humans working alongside each other has a satisfying end to the story too.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, Espers should be spelt with a captial "E" all the time.
Great fic with a philosophical plot line. You just need to correct a few grammar and punctuation mistakes.
ReplyDeleteYou also have a formatting issue in para. 3.
In para. 4, there is something not quite right about the begining. It would read better if you drop the "As" at the start.
In addition, I think you need to use proper nouns to deffirentiate your nouns. Ex. Espers, The Sinner, Abstract. You also need to use capital letters when using it to refere to the Sinner, to avoid confussion.
Over all much easier to read than your other draft.
ReplyDeleteIt flows really well just a few points to make
watch tense changes eg. 'can wield magic,' should be 'could wield magic' also just one missing word can make all the differences eg. 'infuriated by not being to influence' you're missing 'not being able to influence'
also just wondering if u are planning on putting any dialogue in, it reads really well but might just break up the story a bit more if we had some conversation going
I think it's fine without dialogue Sarah. The Espers are the main characters in this and if you've ever played a Final Fantasy game, you will know they don't talk lol.
ReplyDeleteLol No I've never played Final Fantasy but now that I know that it makes more sense as to the structure thanks for the info Damian
ReplyDeleteThe Goodies always win over the Baddies either by destroying them or converting them to become a Goodies. Typical and conventional. But you have put it through a very breathtaking description. A very good fanfic, I should say.
ReplyDelete