Rania's Final Fan Fiction

This is a parody fanfiction of the scene where Hagrid came to pick up Harry potter for the very 1st time, and take him to Hogwarts. It could also be considered as a crossover piece with the "Who's on 1st?" comedy skit :)

Word count: 861

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., Bloomsbury, and Scholastic, respectively. Copyright infringement is not intended and no money is being made of this story. 

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Harry looked up at the giant man that came to escort him to his new life, and then at his aunt and uncle. He did that a few times with a glazed vacant look, until finally, comprehension dawned and he shouted squeakily, "You told me my mum and dad died in a car crash!"

"CAR CRASH?" shouted Hagrid, with spittle flying in all directions, dousing Harry in the process, making him shine, as if he had just taken a shower.

Hagrid continued shouting while Harry took a step back to avoid further showers, it was cold after all. "How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter?"

 "Well, if a crash is bad enough, it can kill anyone, especially if they were in the car," Harry replied smartly.

"Not a witch an' a wizard as powerful as those two were!" Hagrid countered.

"Then how did my parents die?" asked Harry. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know, but hey, anything was better than going back to scrubbing skid marks out of Dudley’s gigantic boxers. Plus, he may never have the chance to ask again.

Hagrid swallowed quite loudly and said in a quivering voice, "You-Know-Who,"

"Uh... No," said Harry. "I don't know anything about my parents, other than the fact that they died in a car crash"

“Huh? Who died in a car crash?” asked Hagrid while scratching his bushy beard

Harry pouted and exclaimed, “Duh! My parents! Weren’t you listening to me? Typical!! No one ever listens to anything I have to say! How am I supposed to grow into a healthy individual if no one ever pays me any attention!!”

After a very awkward pause, where the rats could be heard scurrying about, Hagrid said "Anyhow, these lousy Muggles never tol' you anything ‘bout your Mom and Dad. That's why I'm tryin' to explain about 'em."

"Okaaay. So who killed them?"

"Didn’ I already say? You-Know-Who did."

"You know who," Harry corrected.

"Yes."

"No, no. I mean, you can tell me who, right?"

"Yes. You-Know-Who."

Harry paused to think about it, and after nearly ripping out his sorry excuse of a bird’s nest hair, he decided that it might behove him to use a different tactic. The giant smelly, spittle spraying man was not going to outsmart him! So he asked, "Were my parents' obituaries in the newspaper?"

"But of course ‘arry! They were ‘eroes!"

Harry smiled and said, "And from the newspaper, you know who killed them?"

"Of course! They could ‘ardly put the blame on someone else!"

"Ummm..... They couldn't?"

"Well, You-Know-Who did have some followers," said Hagrid thoughtfully.

"Who? Who had followers?"

"You-Know-Who!"

Harry nearly screamed in frustration, but he wasn’t a quitter, and he was not going to stop till he found out something useful. So he asked, "Okay then, who blew up my parents' house?"

"You-Know-Who did," replied the giant.

"How would I know?" asked Harry.

"well, yeh obviously didn't. That's why I'm telling yeh."

 “Finally! We’re on the right track! So, who gave me this scar?" he demanded.

"You-Know-Who."

"Why do you keep saying that??"

"Yeh keep on askin me!!."

"You know who killed my parents," said Harry flatly.

"Yes,"

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"I just said. You-Know-Who killed your parents."

"No, I don't know who killed my parents."

“Yeh do. I just told yeh."

Harry's eyes narrowed in frustration and he screamed, "Are you serious?" He was startled when the giant inhaled sharply and started trembling and stuttering.

"How- how- do you know about him?" Harry remained silent, so Hagrid went on, "I told you, my name is Rubeus Hagrid. I'm not yer godfather."

"I didn't say you were," said Harry, sensing that he had said something to upset Hagrid, but not sure what.

"He'll never get to you. Now, I don't know how you didn't know about You-Know-Who but you know about Black-"

"Well, it would be hard not to know about black. Everyone knows about black." Harry interrupted, relieved that the giant was saying something that made some sense at last. Although he wondered what the colour black had to do with anything they were talking about. The giant’s world sure sounds funny.

Hagrid came closer to Harry and said, "Just what do you know about Black?"

Harry said while pointing towards the shadowy corner of the room, where his so called family was huddled together, "Well, black is . . . dark."

Hagrid stared at Harry's muggle family, "They told yeh that?"

"Uh, you could say that, yes. I mean, it was pretty obvious."

"Obvious that Black was Dark? I tell yeh, no one used to think that. It was a great shock when it became obvious."

"But it is obvious in hindsight," said Harry diplomatically. Wizards probably didn't need much common sense, especially if they couldn't die from things like car crashes.

"I guess it is," replied Hagrid gravely. "Now, come with me. We'll get yer things fer school." Harry agreeably left with the giant, figuring out that even if he couldn’t have a sensible conversation with the man, time spent with him would be better than time spent with the Dursleys.

The End