Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Damian's Fan Fiction Draft

Hello Batmaniacs,

This is a fan fiction about the upcoming film "The Dark Knight Rises" Since the movie isn't out until next year, nobody knows what the real plot is. Here's my humorous rendition of what the film will be about. I hope you enjoy it.

No copyright infringement intended. "Batman" and the characters depicted in this fan fiction story are properties of DC Comics. "The Dark Knight Rises" is the property of Warner Bros.

A background on the story I based my fan fiction on:



The Fatman Rises


Nobody had ever seen or heard of Batman ever since The Joker had left Gotham City in absolute panic nearly four years ago. This was because Bruce Wayne wanted to make sure Gotham City was able to defend for itself. Batman won't be around to save the day forever.

Commissioner Gordon was now responsible for fighting the crime in the city without any assistance from The Caped Crusader.

As time went by, the citizens of Gotham felt safe even without the help of Batman. The fine work achieved by Commissioner Gordon and the Gotham Police Department were enough to keep the streets clean of crime for several years. Bruce Wayne was proud with the fact that Gotham City had finally learned to defend itself.

All that was about to change when a large shadowy behemoth arrived. It attacked Commissioner Gordon's police force with vicious rage and brutality. Even Gotham City's SWAT team was unable to contain this large "beast of a man". This so-called "man" single-handedly slaughtered the entire swat team and left Commissioner Gordon in a vegetative state. Luckily the EMTs arrived just in time to take care of Gordon. If they had not come when they did, Gotham would have lost one of its heroes.

The horrific event was seen on the evening news and none other than Bruce Wayne himself was watching. He knew the peaceful period that had graced Gotham City had now come to an abrupt end. Not since The Joker had an evil so great emerged and left Gotham City in complete chaos. There was only one person who could stop this threat - and that man was Batman.

Bruce Wayne questioned to Alfred, "Shall the Dark Knight rise again?"

Alfred knew it wouldn't be easy as Batman had not seen any physical action for the last few years.He was now rather fat and lazy.

Alfred smartly remarked, "The last thing Gotham needs is Fatman. Perhaps Robin can come back from his ballet classes to help you sir."

Bruce Wayne objected, "I won't sacrice Robin to that madman Alfred! He's far too weak to face an enemy like this!"

Bruce Wayne knew he needed time to become the fit muscly fighter he once was. Now was the time Batman needed to rise again. But getting into a slim figure in 24 hours would not be possible.

The "beast of a man" asked in front of the news cameras, "Can the Dark Knight please come out to play?"

Bruce Wayne had no idea what this guy wanted from Batman, but he knew he had to act quickly to stop further blood being shed.

Bruce Wayne paid a visit to Commissioner Gordon. He must have known if this beast had any kind of weaknesses. He was the only person alive who saw him eye-to-eye. 

Commissioner Gordon used to be an lively energetic fellow with no fear, but on the day Bruce Wayne saw him in the hospital bed, fear was written all over his face.

The nurse tried to calm him down when he screamed "Don't kill me" repeatedly.

After several hours has passed, the nurse came and informed Bruce Wayne that Gordon was now ready to talk. Gordon needed a oxygen mask in order to speak. . 

As soon as Bruce came into the room, Gordon immediately stated "Batman has to come back."

Bruce Wayne was taken aback by Gordon's demand, "Look at me Gordon. I'm in no shape to take on that genetic freak of a man."

Gordon gave what was the best advice Bruce Wayne had heard in a long time, "Use your weight to your advantage. As they say, more weight equals more dates!"

Bruce Wayne smirked,"I'm gonna need a bigger Batman suit."

Luckily, Bruce Wayne is rich and called up his own personal costume designer to make him a bigger suit. Bruce's new and bigger physique would have the clear advantage in the fight. Batman answered "The Beast's" call and announced on the evening news he would face him one-on-one at downtown Gotham at midnight.

The "Beast" referred to himself as Bane and he waited at the centre of Gotham's CBD for the arrival of Batman.

Bane screamed, "Come out now you coward!"

Batman thought to himself, the only coward here was Bane who punched the defenseless Gordon and nearly killed him.

Little did Bane know was that Batman was not going to confront him. Batman wanted to drop on top of him by jumping off a building. Batman was certain the impact from the fall would instantly disable Bane. A technique like this would not have worked before but with his new bulgier physique, Batman was sure this plan would work.

Batman took a deep breath and soared through the air as much as his weight would let him. Bane didn't expect a thing when a loud thud jolted throughout the entire city. After the dust had cleared, it was evident that only one person was left standing. Onlookers weren't sure who the figure was as both men were very fat.

A loud cheer from the crowd emanated as Batman stood up and shouted "Bane's reign of terror is now over!"

Although Batman almost flattened Bane to death, he did not kill him. Batman didn't intend to kill Bane as that was against his code of honour. Afterwards, the police came and took Bane into custody while Batman smiled to the crowd. Robin and Alfred clapped happily back at Wayne Manor while watching the events unfold on TV.  

Down at the hospital, a reinvigorated Commissioner Gordon uttered to himself, "Tonight, Gotham City did not see the return of Batman, but the beginning of Fatman."

11 comments:

  1. I quite liked the humor in this. Although, I have to say that it felt a bit abrupt in places, but then again, I like that kind of style.
    I also noticed some grammar mistakes that need to be taken care of as well :)

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  2. The'story' gives me the thrill down my spine. It's chilling feeling as espressed in the accompanying music. I am glad the ending shown about the winning of the good over evil, even though the Batman becomes Fatman.

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  6. Well-structured, twisted and hilariously composed short story. Make sure you check your punctuation such as the first line on the last paragraph "Although Batman almost flattened Bane to death he did not kill him." It needs a comma between death and he. Also, your past tense is messed up and notably, in these sentences "Gotham Police Department were," "and left Commissioner Gordon left for dead breaking his back," "Commissioner Gordon lay there," "call up R&D to make him a suit ready by tomorrow," really rendered your draft sloppy but overall, it is good.

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  7. I really like your story, it is hilarious and turns what could be a very overlydramatic piece into a great comedy. I agree with the use of your tenses, you swap between past and present this makes it a little hard to follow in places. Also just double check your grammer but for a first draft its awesome.

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  8. I like the idea that Batman will get old and fat one day. I even dressed as an old, fat batman for Halloween one year. My constructive criticism is that you could use less words to describe the events in the story. That would make it flow better. For example, instead of saying "Talking to Alfred, Bruce Wayne said..." you could have simply said, "Bruce Wayne asked Alfred..."

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  9. how might you make the dialogue work a bit better? Travis has a point. Try to liven up the dialogue and avoid words like "said" and "replied"

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  11. I don't know if you've done any work on the story since i commented last, but here goes :)

    There are still some grammatical and punctuation issues that need to be addressed.

    I also noticed some sentence conctruction issues as well. ex: in par. 7, the structure needs more work, and i also think that you need to re-write the second sentence.

    Hope that this comment has been helpful.

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